IEP time again...

Its simple really.
Being 7 is hard. Being 7 with a hearing loss is even harder.
Realizing that you don't hear what typical hearing people hear is hard. Realizing this when your 7, is nearly impossible.
Accepting when someone tells you what you heard is incorrect is difficult. Accepting this when your 7 isn't going to happen.
When your 7 you think the world revolves around you. When your 7 with a hearing loss, your disability is often misunderstood by the world.
At 7 your voice is small, your understanding is limited, and your ability to overcome is left in the hands of those closes to you.
Being the mother of a child with a hearing loss is hard. Being the mother, who was a hearing impaired child herself, looking into the eyes of your HOH child and understanding the tears and the struggles is even harder.
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I didn't understand how much it all mattered. I wish I thought that my HOH child making a 79 on a spelling test where no special accommodations were made for him was good. I wish I thought if my HOH childs teacher wrote notes that contain phrases such as: "If he had paid attention, I think he would have done better." or "he was working while I was giving directions." or "we read the story aloud together." meant just that. But it doesn't. For a HOH child it means EVERYTHING BUT THAT. It means he's hard of hearing. It means that he didn't know you were giving directions, it means he doesn't understand that he cant color while your going over directions, it means you read a story aloud in a noisy class room to a group of noisy 7 year olds and expected my child who can't hear well to follow and understand that story. It means YOU dont understand. All these things only mean that my child who can not hear well wasn't given the same opportunities as that of his hearing peers. These things only make me angry, because I know. I know how hard it is to be in a noisy class room with a soft spoken teacher and have that teacher blame you for naturally having the mind of a 7 year old. I know what its like to be considered "lazy" and "easily distracted" when thats not the case at all. In fact what is really going on is quite simple. Hard of hearing children adapt to their worlds, and have everyone convinced that they understand more than they really do. So. Actually the teachers don't realize they are the ones who are lazy, by not giving that little bit of extra thought. They also don't realize they are easily distracted by the fact that a child wearing hearing aids isn't a child that can hear. Hes a child with hearing aids.
HOH children don't know their limitations, they have to be given the opportunity to hear like their classmates. So! Before Cam's teachers can write such notes and I can except such grades, I have to know that he was given a chance. A chance, that's all I ask. Seems like a simple request to me.

A Different Day, a Different World

I had the meeting with The Board of Education and also with Cam's school. I brought along the information packet for his teachers and the other educators that were present. It went really well. Better than I had hoped. That was about 3 weeks ago. Everything has improved so much. Its almost like having another school, another teacher and also another child. I didn't realize how much it was effecting him. Cam is happy and learning so much more than before. Its so nice to see him happy its nice to see him enjoying school again. I feel so blessed right now. I never would have thought it would work.
The whole experience has opened my eyes to the fact that sometimes you can get the help you need. Sometimes people really do care. Sometimes the system works. Sometimes I need to let go of my past and realize the whole world isn't out to get us because we're Hard of Hearing. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't happen often, but when it does, it shows me what the world is capable of being. A world where being HoH isn't a burden, just a different way of living.


Note: For those of you who follow my blog you will notice this is the first blog where I've used the term Hard of Hearing. I've done a lot of research on the terms and its not that I don't still see myself as Hearing Impaired or that I will never refer to myself as such, but I will use which ever term fits my mood, after all its just a term.

It’s okay to be called deaf, hearing impaired, hard of hearing or whatever title you feel comfortable with. It’s when you limit yourself, put yourself in a “poor me scenario,” and degrade yourself . . . that will stop you from reaching your greatest potential and aspiration in life.
~Justin Osmond

The 44th President

No matter where my support went this election, or what my political beliefs were, as I sat and watched the 44th President of the United States be sworn in office, one thing came to mind:
Equality.
As I sat and watched the first African American President and his family stand on the west side of the U.S. Capital Building one feeling came over my heart:
Hope.
The hope for equality for all people, even the hearing impaired. Even my son.
So, for me, no matter where I stood politically, today was about everyone coming together.
Today, I was reminded of why I fight and write so much for equality for my son and myself. Today I was reminded of why it is all worth it.
Good luck Mr. President, and good luck to every one who is continuing to fight for their dreams.
May all our dreams come true.

Sometimes its nice to have ordinary days.

A very interesting thing happened at work last night. We were very busy and it was extremely loud in the restaurant and I had a couple of my co-workers double-check to make sure I heard them. That was awesome, because I, indeed, had not heard them. They didn't assume that I heard them. I guess they have finally realized that if I don't respond I most likely didn't hear them. It was over all a fantastic night.
Me and my friend ZDaddy took the kids to the movies this afternoon. He has a daughter the same age as my Cam. They have a lot of fun together. I love going to the movies, I can usually follow the entire movie because its so loud.
Its nice to have days without hearing issues.

I still do not seem to be hearing well though. I'm going to have to get that checked...

The Ramblings of Nothing Exceptional...

Being the parent of a hearing impaired child comes with many challenges. Being the hearing impaired parent of a hearing impaired child makes those challenges,,, different. For instance, something I've noticed that typical hearing parents worry about is how their child is going to be perceived by its peers. Are they going to be made fun of or even have friends at all. I don't give that a second thought. Hearing impaired or not all children will either be liked or not. Then at the same time, because I have lived it, I fret over things other hearing parents might not notice. Number One on my list is and always has been education. My school days were a living HELL, and I don't say that lightly. School was a complete nightmare for me. Not because of lack of friends, but because of lack of education. I was always a failure. I never "applied" myself. I was "scatterbrained". I "didn't listen". I "wasn't paying attention". I "talked too much". And my personal favorite, I was "Lazy". All the while, I didn't know why I couldn't "apply myself" or "listen", or "remember my home work assignments". I wanted to be a good student so desperately. That's what made every day of my school life torture. I CAN NOT let my child live that experience. He's smart. He's beautiful. He's also hearing impaired. If that teacher had to go though one day trying to function in the hearing world with only hearing aids... Ha! I laugh at what would happen. Ok. I know I'm ranting here. I'm just angry.
Today at work it was so nice to be there, doing my job, listening to conversations and when I got lost, I could just walk away and go do my job. After a while you get used to missing everything. Actually its okay. I thought today how strange it was that I just accept it. I always think to myself, "its not important anyway". On second thought, though, maybe it is. I don't know.
I want to be more. I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOUR SAYING! Okay it matters.
But the older I get the less it really matters. I just give the "didn't hear you, but I'll let you think I did" nod and walk away. Hide. Get lost in myself. I've spent my life within myself. Ok. This is turning into a rambling of sorts when all I really wanted to say was that I spent my life in the public school system here in Nowhere, Alabama as someone who was "nothing exceptional". When all the while, it was the teachers who were nothing exceptional, because they let a beautiful mind go to waste. They let my education slip right though their hands, and didn't even know it or care.
Ok. Again I'm rambling. I'll stop.



"There are few pains so grievous as to have seen, divined, or experienced how an exceptional man has missed his way and deteriorated"
~Friedrich Nietzsche

my writings as a hearing impaired child

I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I have poems and diaries that date back to when I was as young as 8 years old. Writing has always been my outlet. Even though I was part of the "Forgotten Generation" of hearing impaired children, (the ones who were taught to be mainstreamed then over looked and forgotten about as if we had no disability) It was always in the back of my mind, and sometimes it would show up in some of my earliest writings.

One of the older poems I still have, dates back to October 1986. I was 9 years old.

Alone

Alone beneath the beam of the sun
and the rays of light
There was no way to tell how I felt so alone.

I can remember witting that poem as if it was yesterday. I remember how the sun was shining so beautiful that day and I can still smell my mother cooking dinner. I remember it more because of the weirdness I felt. It was the first time anyone had ever called me a name because of my hearing impairment. The girl called me a "Deaf Mule". Hey, we were 9. She didn't even know what it meant. I'm sure she meant to call me a Deaf Mute. How crazy is that.


Heres an interesting diary entry. I was 11.

Dear Diary,
July 7, 1989
If I had just three wishes:

#1. That I could hear like others

#2. I could have 3 boyfriends

#3. I could have magical powers


You know what though? At 31 those still sound like pretty good wishes....lol ;)


The best way I can think to sum the blog up is with one of my favorite quotes.

"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." ~ John Adams

I don't share my poems often, but I thought some of you might enjoy this one

Little Ears and a Mothers Hopes and Dreams


Hearing aids in the littlest ears, I'd ever seen.
With them died, all my hopes and dreams.

A little baby boy, too young to talk.
Wearing hearing aids, before he could set up, or even walk.

The anger the sadness, it all came and went.
Along with the therapy's, and doctors, and the money we spent.

I've spent my days, watching him experience the world- though his ears.
And without even knowing it, my days, have turned into years.

Now a little boy who talks way too much.
He has wide eyes, and baseball dreams, and eats Noodle O's for lunch.

The world is so beautiful, Do you hear what I see?
Looking now, I have a whole new set of hopes and dreams,
For the cutest little ears with hearing aids, I've ever seen...


-AEFK

Hearing in the Dark

When I was pregnant with Cam, we read all the books, went to all the classes, quizzed all our friends and family trying to gain information that would help us with labor and delivery. When I saw the pamphlet for Lamaze classes that were being offered at the hospital that I would be having my baby at, I snatched it up. After all, thats what you do when your having a baby, you go to Lamaze. When I got home, I made the called and found out when the classes started. We were told to bring a pillow. I was so excited. Lar was too. The afternoon came, we got dressed, drove down the the hospital. It was so thrilling to know we were going to get to share time with other parents and learn techniques to help with labor and delivery. When we got there, we went to the wrong floor. Searched. Panic. No one knew what we were talking about. This was a new program that was being offered. So we read our pamphlet again, and realized our mistake. We were 10 minutes late. Uggg, I hate to be late. When we got there, no big deal, we weren't the only ones who had gotten lost. Thank goodness.

We began the class by going around the room telling our names, and if it was our first child.
How fun this was.
Then the instructor told us to get in a comfy position with our partners behind us.
We were going to start by learning some relaxation techniques.

Then to my horror, without warning, she turned OFF the lights!!!

Larry could feel me tense up. He rubbed my arm. Letting me know he was there with me and it was okay.

Then she began to teach the class.
I heard nothing she was saying, because not only was I in the dark, she was whispering.
Then to my horror again, I heard the parents apparently answering questions.
Please, please don't let her ask me anything.

We laid there in the dark for what seemed like eternity.

I know they were talking and discussing things, because every now and then someone would be just loud enough I could hear parts of what they were saying.

To say the least, it was a nightmare.

Then the lights came back on and it was time for a break. Snacks and drinks.

Larry took one look at me and said, "you want to go?" I just nodded my head yes.

We slipped out the door without ever saying a word to anyone.
The minute we were out in the hallway, I burst into tears.
I was devastated. My first real important task as a mother and I failed.

The next day I went to see my chiropractor. He asked me how Lamaze went. I told him the story. Then he gave me the best advice anyone gave me my entire pregnancy (as far as labor and delivery) "You don't need Lamaze. Your body knows what to do. Trust it."

So I did. I had the most wonderful and perfect delivery. It went a beautifully as I had hoped it would.

The thing about this story that I find interesting is the fact that now, I would jump right in there and be like "Wooooohhhaaa,,,what are we doing here? I'm hearing impaired, I'm going to get nothing out of a class in the dark." Then see if we could reschedule for a Lamaze that would be more appropriate for my situation.

It really doesn't matter though, because in the end, it worked out.

I'm just so thankful that I can now speak up when its "too dark" for me and I can't hear. I have to be Cams advocate, and show him the way to be his own advocate....
I have to show him the way out of the darkness.

Information Packet For Your Childs Teacher

This was the best site I found for how to present your childs needs to the teacher. I changed what I needed to and added somethings that my child needed. A BIG Thank you to Cheryl and Listen Up for putting this info out there!
I also listed it at the bottom in my resources and website section.

http://www.listen-up.org/edu/hand-out.htm

Mommy's got Strep Throat!

I've got strep throat! Uggg. This is horrible. Thanks TK for giving my strep... ;)

I can't get near my kid.

I can't eat.

I can't swallow.

I can't sleep.

But what bugs me the most, is that

I CAN'T GO TO CAM'S SCHOOL AND TALK TO HIS TEACHERS ABOUT GETTING HIM THE SUPPORT HE NEEDS TO GET AN EDUCATION!

However, after much, much searching I found a great resources for explaining and giving the info to the teachers. I desperately was searching for something that would help me explain the strategies and techniques that were needed to give Cam the best start in school that we could give him. I put many searches together and came up with a package I think might work.



Later when I'm feeling better I'll give you a better look at what I came up with.

Trying to Hear in the Dark, "Anyone Got a Flashlight?"

My life is a beautiful Life.
I have my joy all wrapped up in a little boy. My mom is my best friend ~ she's my rock. My mom is a huge part of mine and Cam's life. She has a very special relationship with my son. She has been there holding my hand and giving me courage form the moment he was born. (well before he was born really.)
I have a few friends that I call true friends.
My large family consist of 2 brothers and 2 sisters. 5 nephews and 2 nieces and one great~niece. (Non of which are hearing impaired, by the way.)
I'm happily married to my husband, Lar. We have been married for 8 years. We've been together for 12. We have one child, my son Cam. Cam is also hearing impaired. He has mild to moderate bilateral hearing loss. His is almost identical to mine in every way except his loss is less. Lar is very loving and supportive of the hearing impaired needs that Cam and I bring to his life. We are very lucky.
I work in the restaurant industry, I'm the Lead Trainer and part of the Management Team. I Love my job. However, it is insanely crazy that I work in the restaurant industry, and wear hearing aids. Gees, Could I have picked a more challenging and noisy environment to work in?
Its a great experience to help me get to my goal. which is to finish my business degree and go into business management or an executive position with my current company. Of course if the opportunity arises elsewhere that would be great too.
We currently live in a small town in Alabama, one that has hardly no resources for the hearing impaired. We lived in Atlanta for 8 years that's where Cam was born and had all the advantages laid out for him. Its been a huge change to come back to my childhood home town. I suffered greatly here growing up because the schools here are so backwards when it comes to accommodating the handicapped. The educational and medical opportunities here are a joke. We have NO accredited private schools that are less than an hour away, we have no "real" pre-schools, we have no hearing impaired advocates (they too are an hour away), we have no audiologist for children, we have no Auditory Verbal Therapy (which I'm a HUGE fan of, Cam is a graduate from the Auditory Verbal Center of Atlanta) We have no help at all here. Its unbelievable really. Hearing Impairment is completely over looked here and unimportant. Its not even as good in Birmingham as it was in Atlanta, its better, but still not as good.
We moved back here so Cam could have the joy of growing up surrounded by family. Even though we are still glad we made that decision the sacrifices has been huge. The challenges here are abundant. I knew this when we decided to move back. I just didn't realize HOW challenging it was going to be in the year of 2008! I mean, can we please get beyond where we were when I was a kid?!? NO! Nothing has changed here. Why?!!! Its been 25 years, WHY are they still resistant to mainstreaming our children?
Living here is like trying to read lips in the dark and no one around here has a flashlight...
I'm up to it though, were gonna change this town, one little boy and his pissed off mommy ~you better watch out Little Town.
All I can say is "Bring it on!!!".