"All I think about is ears." How true.

I've been doing some catching up on a new blog I've been following Big Teeth & Clouds. I came across a sentence in one of her blogs that I think describes what it's like to be the mother of a hearing impaired child. All I think about is ears. Every thing is ears. Can he hear that, does he know whats going on, is he going to get hurt doing things that require hearing, is he being teased, are his hearing aids working, is his language still advancing at an age appropriate rate, does he really understand, he should be hearing that why isn't he hearing that?...the questions go on and on.
Now White Cloud and myself, our children are still young, one might think that as our children get older they would take over that responsibility of thinking about their ears and we could relax. I don't think so. Take my mom for example, she still thinks about my ears. She knows my hearing, or lack there of, better than anyone, probably better than I do. To this day, if I'm not hearing the way she thinks I should be, my mom will still ask me, "Are your hearing aids working, or are you just tired?". I'm 32 years old. I've had my aids for 30 years as of last month. My mom still thinks ears. I don't worry about what I hear. I just hear it or I don't. I get aggravated about it, but I don't WORRY about it.
Our children are lucky to have us. I'm lucky to have my mom. We are probably the only people on earth who will, after 30 years, still care if our children are hearing well. That's a special bond that I can only share with my mom. She worries about my ears, even at 32. Why? It's simple really. All she ever thought about was ears.

The Ramblings of Nothing Exceptional...

Being the parent of a hearing impaired child comes with many challenges. Being the hearing impaired parent of a hearing impaired child makes those challenges,,, different. For instance, something I've noticed that typical hearing parents worry about is how their child is going to be perceived by its peers. Are they going to be made fun of or even have friends at all. I don't give that a second thought. Hearing impaired or not all children will either be liked or not. Then at the same time, because I have lived it, I fret over things other hearing parents might not notice. Number One on my list is and always has been education. My school days were a living HELL, and I don't say that lightly. School was a complete nightmare for me. Not because of lack of friends, but because of lack of education. I was always a failure. I never "applied" myself. I was "scatterbrained". I "didn't listen". I "wasn't paying attention". I "talked too much". And my personal favorite, I was "Lazy". All the while, I didn't know why I couldn't "apply myself" or "listen", or "remember my home work assignments". I wanted to be a good student so desperately. That's what made every day of my school life torture. I CAN NOT let my child live that experience. He's smart. He's beautiful. He's also hearing impaired. If that teacher had to go though one day trying to function in the hearing world with only hearing aids... Ha! I laugh at what would happen. Ok. I know I'm ranting here. I'm just angry.
Today at work it was so nice to be there, doing my job, listening to conversations and when I got lost, I could just walk away and go do my job. After a while you get used to missing everything. Actually its okay. I thought today how strange it was that I just accept it. I always think to myself, "its not important anyway". On second thought, though, maybe it is. I don't know.
I want to be more. I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOUR SAYING! Okay it matters.
But the older I get the less it really matters. I just give the "didn't hear you, but I'll let you think I did" nod and walk away. Hide. Get lost in myself. I've spent my life within myself. Ok. This is turning into a rambling of sorts when all I really wanted to say was that I spent my life in the public school system here in Nowhere, Alabama as someone who was "nothing exceptional". When all the while, it was the teachers who were nothing exceptional, because they let a beautiful mind go to waste. They let my education slip right though their hands, and didn't even know it or care.
Ok. Again I'm rambling. I'll stop.



"There are few pains so grievous as to have seen, divined, or experienced how an exceptional man has missed his way and deteriorated"
~Friedrich Nietzsche