Twenty dollars, seventy nine cents (aka $27.09)

I was at Wal-Mart the other day and I bought a couple of items. I get to the register, I get out my wallet to pay. The cashier tells me the total, (that I hear as $20.79) I get out the exact change because I don't want to break a 5 dollar bill for 79 cents. The cashier is looking at it. She counts it. She is puzzled. She actually doesn't know what to do.
Oh. I must have misunderstood, I leaned over to see the total on the display screen, I see its .09. Not a big deal, I gave her too much, I say I'm sorry. She hands it back to me, I give her back 20.09. We should be good now.
Yeah right.
You got a hearing impaired person here, who apparently cant read either. Poor cashier. (to her credit she was very nice throughout the entire ordeal.) I can see the people behind me trying to figure out what my problem is. I'm embarrassed now. Why didn't I just say I was hearing impaired? I don't know. Too many years living in the hoh closet. I was caught off guard I guess. Anyway, the girl says she needs more money, I know this by her gesture, still not really understanding, just guessing. So I give her a 5 dollar bill. Okay. That should take care of it what ever it is, lets just get on with this. I want to get out of here.
Nope.
She still needs two more dollars. Finally the first thing I've truly understood her say. I get my wallet out, give her another 5.
Its done.
I walk out studying my receipt and it all becomes clear. She said $27.09. NOT $20.79
All of this happened because I heard seventy instead of seven. Two little letters caused that much agony.
I may not be able to stop it from happening again but I can keep from prolonging my agony.

"All I think about is ears." How true.

I've been doing some catching up on a new blog I've been following Big Teeth & Clouds. I came across a sentence in one of her blogs that I think describes what it's like to be the mother of a hearing impaired child. All I think about is ears. Every thing is ears. Can he hear that, does he know whats going on, is he going to get hurt doing things that require hearing, is he being teased, are his hearing aids working, is his language still advancing at an age appropriate rate, does he really understand, he should be hearing that why isn't he hearing that?...the questions go on and on.
Now White Cloud and myself, our children are still young, one might think that as our children get older they would take over that responsibility of thinking about their ears and we could relax. I don't think so. Take my mom for example, she still thinks about my ears. She knows my hearing, or lack there of, better than anyone, probably better than I do. To this day, if I'm not hearing the way she thinks I should be, my mom will still ask me, "Are your hearing aids working, or are you just tired?". I'm 32 years old. I've had my aids for 30 years as of last month. My mom still thinks ears. I don't worry about what I hear. I just hear it or I don't. I get aggravated about it, but I don't WORRY about it.
Our children are lucky to have us. I'm lucky to have my mom. We are probably the only people on earth who will, after 30 years, still care if our children are hearing well. That's a special bond that I can only share with my mom. She worries about my ears, even at 32. Why? It's simple really. All she ever thought about was ears.

Why am I offended?

I hope everyone had a blessed and wonderful Christmas. I know we did. We had a feast with the family, drank hot coco, we sang Christmas songs, we watched old Christmas movies. Its been so much fun I almost hate to see it go.
As I've mentioned in previous post I love closed captioning. I was a late bloomer on this one, but wow, it's so nice to hear (or should I say understand) a movie. One thing I have noticed though is I hate it when people turn off the closed captioning. We have a much beloved room mate who feels the need to turn off the captioning when I'm not watching T.V., now I know what your thinking, I'm not watching it so what does it matter. Well that's my question. Why do I get offended? I shouldn't be insulted by this, but I am. Why? It seems irrational.

Life on the Planet of the Regular Hearing Kind.

I have a friend who had a sever sinus and ear infection that caused him to temporarily lose his hearing. Now he says he can empathize with my daily struggles.(he started a new job during this event, thus making his experience more dramatic.) What is really funny about it though, is I can now empathize with all the people in my life who are of ,the regular hearing kind, who have to deal with me. I mean, all the repeating, the questionable responses, all the times you talk and no one hears you....ugg. I must say it has been interesting to see it from this point of view.
Thank you to all my friends for dealing with my disability and having the patience, just to be my friend. I've always known my real friendships were few, but now I know it wasn't me, it was them.

Have I ever mentioned I do Theater?

I've always be a lover of Christmas.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas season. I know I have really enjoyed this year. Due to our new economic status I have went really low key with our gifts this year. I've also discovered how to be a little more thrifty and this has actually been fun. Not nearly as stressful as when I had money and had to find the "perfect" gift. No. This year has been more about finding the fun and the spirit of the holiday season. A very nice change. Who would have thought having less money would be less stressful.

What a difference a year makes.
Cam is doing so wonderful this year. He's made the A honor roll on all of his report cards so far. His teacher has been a blessing. His principal is wonderful too. They work really hard to make sure there are no communication errors, and with a house full of hearing impaired people that's not an easy job....lol (for those who may not follow my blog, my son and myself both wear hearing aids and have moderate to severe bilateral hearing loss, I've worn hearing aids since I was 2 years and 9 months old, my son since he was 12 weeks old.)

Have I ever mentioned I do Theater?
I directed another play this past October. I've been doing theatre since I was in high school. I don't know that I've ever blogged about this. Theatre has been my true passion for most of my adult life. I've mostly been behind the scenes. I've been the director, the assistant director, the stage manager, the light and sound person, the costumer, the prop mistress, the set designer, and for one small night I was an actor. I generally won't work back stage during a production because, well, its dark and quiet. A HoH persons nightmare. Can't hear and can't read lips. Anyway, I just directed The Complete Works of William Shakespeare "abridged". It was a blast. The cast and crew were some of my closest friends so my hearing impairment was never an issue. How wonderful this was.







The cast and crew after the final production.

That's me wearing the ugg boots.
A very tired me.

To hear or not to hear, that is the question.

I wonder what its like to have "normal" hearing. Some parts of it would be nice I'm sure. I just don't think I would like hearing when I'm used to silence.
Pros of not hearing:
For instance, when its time to go to sleep and I take out my hearing aids, or, when I'm taking a bath. I can't stand the sound of running water, or the sound of a razor while shaving my legs. I don't like the sound of a vacuum cleaner, nor do I like the noise of a mixer or blender. (I turn off my hearing aids before doing those things) Sometimes it just relaxing to turn the noise off. I like being able to just turn off my hearing aids when I want silence.
Then there are times I wish it wasn't an issue.
Cons of not hearing:
Swimming. When a doctor ask me to remove them. When I'm around water with my child (sprinklers, amusement parks with water rides). When your husband wakes you in the middle of the night for love. (nothing more sexy than "Hang on let me get my hearing aids", or better yet, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?" Or when you want to be able to hear your sick/crying/scared child in the middle of the night. Someones at the door knocking. Your cell phone is at the bottom of your purse in the floor board of your car. When you have to knock on someones door (you rarely hear "come in" or "go away"...lol) Movies. Telephones. Cell phones. TV.
Then there are so many more issues that don't even envolve just not hearing. They involve mis-understanding. That's a whole 'nother talk show baby.
Okay so the Cons out weigh the Pros of not hearing in my book. All I need now is my fairy god mother to wave her magic wand.
BUT. Then I wouldn't be me.
Maybe I would be better.
Maybe I would be lost.

Maybe it will never matter.

Hummm.....

6 months of pondering

I haven't written in over 6 months.
I started to feel like I was whining. It came to a point where I had to decide if I was advocating or making excuses.
It took my son (as it almost always does) to open my eyes.
Cam took a spelling test at school. He failed. He's never made anything below 100 on a spelling test. Now I must tell you this is the Thursday "pre-test". The test that counts is taken on Friday.
When I asked what happened this is what he told me: "I was talking to a classmate before she started the test and I didn't know it started. I couldn't catch up, and she wouldn't repeat the words when I asked her to." Now I feel I must tell you that his teacher is a wonderful teacher and she even gave him the test a second time. The second time he was pondering a word and she went on to the next one. He asked her to repeat the word and she wouldn't. Now this made me FURIOUS!!! Now, I will tell you that I did scold him for talking in class because it's against the rules and he would not have been left behind on the first test, but what needs to be noted here is that even though he was breaking the rules he was at a disadvantage. He can't follow a background conversation. Do you think the little girl he was talking to before test #1 knew the test had started? Of course she did. Even though it was his actions that caused him to be behind, it was his handicap that caused him to miss out.
Now the second test, that is an entirely different irritation. These words all sound the same. And as a hearing impaired person myself I can tell you it is very hard to hear words called out during an oral test. But these words were: hose, rose, (those two not only rhyme but are formed the same on the lips no lipreading there) rode, those, hope, woke, joke, (again very similar on the lips...grrr) bone, stone, home. A hard of hearing kids nightmare!!! Not only does he have to figure out what word was said, but then his little 6 year old brain has to make the connection from the brain to the ear then he has to remember how to spell it, figure out how to write it, then try to decide if all of that's correct. Give me a break.
So I flipped my lid.
We studied the words again this time I gave him tips for lipreading and hard of hearing thinking. Something I've never done.
On Friday, he made a 100. As always. My kid's ability to overcome never ceases to amaze me.

Did I go to the school. No. Should I have? Maybe. Its one of those parental decisions you never know if you got it right.
I guess my thinking was if it was his final grade I would have, and at the same time it was an opportunity for him to be made aware of struggles he will have to face all of his life.
Will I bring it up at a teachers meeting. You bet. There's always room for them to learn and attempt to understand that he's always at a disadvantage when it comes to hearing. Will I have to have the way he is given his spelling tests changed, probably. But for now we're going to let it ride.

This is where I feel I've changed. I mean I can YELL AND SCREAM AND YELL AND SCREAM, but in the end it doesn't really help much. And it just makes me angry. I have to choose my battles.
This time I chose to put my anger aside and find a way to help my son deal with his limitations.